The Total Hunting Channel's ace producer Candace “Candy” Spencer opens up to CandyRulesDinoHunters.com's Regina MacHenry about the hunks of DinoHunters, her mysterious past, and what it takes to direct the callous butchering of majestic beasts.
Candy doesn't even acknowledge that she's seven minutes late…she's that kind of famous! As I sit in a New York City café, sipping a $6 cup of coffee I imagine everyone in the coffeeshop is waiting with the same anticipation for her stardust to blow through that door. Finally, my patience is rewarded…there she is! I flail my arms around and call “yoo-hoo!” like a total family-size goofball, and after a few minutes she spots me immediately. Like a wayward beam of sunshine, Candy's presence fills the room as she bounds toward the table. She extends her hand, and I can't help noticing the thumb is up: a subconscious affirmation of my intrinsic worth. I'm shaking so badly I almost forget to shake her hand!
Me: Thank you for coming today! Let me start by saying I'm a huge fan and that you are spectacular!
Candy: You're a chipper little bird. I'm gonna need some coffee.
While we wait for Candy's caffeine fix I can't help but admire her form, precisely measured and poured into a pink sweater and basic blue jeans. Color me green…with envy! Her shoes are to-die-for 3-inch peep toe mules, proof that those ugly rumors of her salary reduction (misreported by chronically bad unofficial fan site dinohunterscandyrules.com) were a big bag of horse balls. As usual!
M: Why don't you tell us a little about yourself?
CS: How long's this going to take?
CS: Whatever. Candace. I'm Candace Spencer, photojournalist.
M: Candace! But so many people call you Candy!
CS: Some people do. I prefer Candace.
M: Totally. I love Candace. ‘Candy' just sounds so icky-sticky-sweet. Like Bon-Bons.
Clearly, my opinion is taken to heart. She looks at her coffee, the waiter, the door: everywhere but in my eyes. When she does speak, she sounds exhausted.
CS: Let's start over here. My name is Candace Spencer and I'm the producer of DinoHunters.
M: Now that's a big hit on THC, right?
M: DinoHunters. Is a hit series. On the Total Hunting Channel?
CS: Oh…right. You sorta threw me for a second there.
M: Candy, can you share with us some of your experiences that helped prepare you for DinoHunters?
CS: I've worked with animals…and men…on different projects. Documentaries and a reality series…
M: Well, I totally googled you! I just couldn't find much in the way of substance.
I start flipping through my notes, and she seems flabbergasted by my intrepidness. Score one for me…maybe she needs an assistant! How enormicool would THAT be?
M: Ah! Here's something: Tell me about Deliveries In The Rear IV.
An uncomfortable silence fills the room. Lord only knows what on-set experience I've dredged up. Stupid, stupid, stupid! After 3 minutes, something must be said.
M: I'm just having fun with you, Candace.
For the first time, she smiles. She's happy.
M: Do you do any hunting on the show yourself?
CS: Yes, of course. I'm a very hands-on director…
M: I bet you are!
CS: So I'm always willing to…
M: Take one for the team?
She leans in to whisper. It is a cherished moment of intimacy.
CS: What... is your malfunction?
M: Candy, we've done extensive research into your past projects, so I know how—let's say, intimately involved —you get in your work. In your… documentaries? Is that what you call them?
CS: Yes. I mean, no. Wait…
Oh, sweet Candy. What a tangled web we weave.
M: It's okay, we'll leave the past in the past. Let's talk about your boss, the CEO of the Total Hunting Channel, Andre Fetchez-LaVache.
CS: What about him?
M: He's French.
M: A big, fat, buttery-ass Frenchman.
She does not confirm nor deny.
M: What can you tell us more about Andre?
CS: He's the VP of DinoHunters. He's my boss.
M: Is he your… Daddy?
CS: My what?
As if we've been transported onto the DinoHunters' set, Candy's begins to control the scene. Ms. Spencer offers to edit portions of the audio tape, and gives me some firm direction. To work under her, if only for a moment, makes me feel like her protégé.
CS: Last question, screwball.
M: The cast: Roger, Harlan, and Shaw, provided us some rare, behind-the-scenes footage...
At this point, Ms. Spencer attempts to stretch her legs, accidentally kicking over her chair and spilling coffee on my notes. Understandably, she is embarrassed and leaves the café in a rush. We've attempted to contact Candy several times in hopes of completing our interview, but we can't get any news from her camp, apart from her attorney (who's sending us a letter…yay!). Fingers crossed!